📚 How To Analyze People: 13 Laws of Manipulating the Human Mind

We explore the Dark Triad — narcissism, psychopathy, and Machiavellianism — we confront the tactics individuals employ to achieve their desires. The 7 strategies to read body language become our roadmap to understanding the unspoken language that shapes our interpersonal dynamics.

---

About the book

Author:	Daniel Spade
Year of release:	2022
Genre:	Psychology, Nonfiction
Pages:	117
Average WPM:	422
Date Started/Finished:	25-May
Time took:	1.27 Hours

What I Liked About It

• Very straight forward and to the point
• Short but useful book

Who Should Read It?

• If someone thinks they are being manipulated
• Everyone who wants to be more aware during conversations/interactions with other people </br>

Summary + Notes

---

Chapter 1

• Asch discovered, were that with the right amount of peer pressure, people were willing to ignore the facts or reality that was in front of them and resort to giving a false or incorrect response just to conform to the rest of the group.

• The findings of Asch’s experiment reveals the truth about conformity, which is that it is in fact influenced by both a belief that other people could be smarter or more informed, and a desire to fit in with the rest of the group. This “loophole” then, is where the human mind thus becomes susceptible to manipulation.

• If you could someone convince another, and make them believe that in doing what you want them to, they will be happy, they’ll be more than willing to bend to your rules. If you make them feel guilty enough, they’ll try and do what they can to “fix” the situation. Even playing on someone else’s fear makes them an easy target. Make them believe they’re in danger of losing something they cannot afford to lose and they’ll jump at any opportunity that’s presented to them.

• We become susceptible more to conforming when:

  • There are more people present
  • When the task is more difficult and we are faced with uncertainty. We then tend to confirm when we believe others might be better informed than we are on the subject.
  • When we view others in a group as having more “power” or “influence”.

The 13 Laws of Manipulation

• Law #1 - Hide Your Intentions.
  • Some manipulators even resort of lying when there is no real reason to do so, simply thriving on the pleasure of creating chaos or the knowledge that they’re playing with someone else’s feelings. A skilled manipulator knows how to work this angle so subtly that you don’t even realize the lie that they spin until it’s too late.
• Law #2 - Attention Seeking.
• Law #3 - Behaving Emotionally.
• Law #4 - Playing Victim.
  • No matter what problem you may be having, they find a way to make you feel guilty for even talking about it by pointing out how their problem is “10 times worse” than yours.
• Law #5 - Taking Credit Where It’s Not Due.
• Law #6 - Depend on Me.
  • In a relationship, they could be the partner that constantly reminds you “what would you do without me”, or “how would you survive without me”.
• Law #7 - Selective Honesty.
• Law #8 - Pretending to Be A “Friend”.
• Law #9 - Non-Committal.
• Law #10 - Playing Dumb.
• Law #11 - Pointing the Finger at Others.
• Law #12 - Telling You What You Want to Hear.
• Law #13 - Controlling Your Decisions.
  • While it is perfectly normal for you to base or change your decisions because of your partner, is it because there exists within you a genuine desire to make them happy? Or are you doing it because you don’t want to risk making them angry? There’s a very fine line between what constitutes manipulation in a relationship.

~Continuation~

• The Ethics of Manipulation - Is It Possible Manipulation Could Be Both Good and Bad?

• As surprising as it may sound, manipulation is not all bad. Manipulation exists all around us, and you often don’t have to look very far to find evidence of it. Take marketers and advertisers for example

• Ads that tell us to stop smoking and eat healthier are trying to manipulate our decisions, but in this case, they’re trying to do it to incite positive change.

• Whether it’s used for “good” or “bad”, manipulation is still, at the end of the day, manipulation.

• This distinguishing detail is the defining difference between what’s classified as manipulation, and what’s referred to as persuasion. Persuasion is still a form of manipulation, but what separates it from the negative reputation associated with manipulation boils down to three things:
  1. Your intention.
  2. Your honesty.
  3. What the benefit or positive impact is going to be for the person you’re trying to persuade.

• They Love Extreme Labelling - Who do you know in your life that loves making you feel bad by exaggerating claims that highlight just how biased you can be? A colleague that makes unpleasant remarks about the way your dress and passes it off as “simply joking around” will very well turn around and make you out to be the bad guy if you point out how much you dislike having remarks made about the way that you dress. You can’t take a joke, can you? Or Are you honestly THAT sensitive?

• They Never Appreciate You - No matter what you do for them, it’s never going to be food enough. No matter what you do, it will never be satisfactory enough to warrant any gratitude. Tell them you can dance and they’ll ask you if you can do math while you dance.

• They Make You Feel Bad - About everything. Quite literally everything.

Chapter 2

• Gaslighting, a common manipulative term, is when you try to encourage someone else to doubt their own decisions in favor of going along with yours instead. When you make someone feel bad (whether directly or indirectly) about not being able to follow through or backing out of a promise, that’s a form of manipulation.

Understanding the Dark Triad

• The triad is made of up 3 very distinct, yet interrelated personality types, which are ==narcissism==, ==psychopathy==, and ==Machiavellianism==.

• Why are these three referred to as the Dark Triad or the darker side of human psychology? It’s because these three terms define the very tactics - manipulation, persuasion, and coercion - that some people resort to in order to get what they want.
  • Narcissism - The term stems from the Greek mythology about Narcissus, the hunter who fell in love with his own reflection when he saw it in a pool of water that he drowned as a result
  • Psychopathy - Antisocial behavior, manipulative, volatile, hostile, a lack of remorse or empathy are traits which are associated with a psychopathic personality. Psychopathic and being a psychopath are two distinctly different traits, with the latter commonly associated with or directly linked to criminal violence.
  • Machiavellianism - A personality trait that denotes cunningness, the ability to be manipulative, and a drive to use whatever means necessary to gain power.

• Narcissists, on the other hand, were far less likely to engage in aggression unless they felt that their ego was being threatened

• Machiavellians resorted to aggression only if they felt the benefits were sufficient to warrant such action, and only if it involved acceptably low risks to themselves.

~Continuation~

• Being controlling isn’t about love, it is manipulation. Being obsessed isn’t being passionate, it’s manipulative.

• We make excuses for the behavior that should be setting off alarm bells in our head because we’re trying to avoid facing the truth. We don’t want to have our hearts broken that way and we try to convince ourselves that they’re not really like that at all.

• Twisting Lies with Even More Lies - Manipulators can spin lies as intricately as a spider spins its web. They’ll lie, twist those lies, and then twist those lies even more until you don’t know what’s real and what isn’t anymore.

Chapter 3 : The Dark Side of Manipulation

• Covert-aggression to hoodwink their targets. Covert-aggression in the hands of a manipulator is so effective because:
  • The manipulator’s aggression is well hidden. It makes it hard for the victims to fight back against something they cannot clearly pinpoint or find any evidence against. Even if their gut feeling is telling them something is off, and that perhaps this person in front of them is trying to take advantage, the manipulator does it in such a stealthy manner that it becomes difficult for the victim to identify their true motives.
  • It makes the manipulator seem like their resorting to any other tactic except fighting. Covert-aggression allows the manipulator to cover their tracks by making it seem as though they’re defending their victim, perhaps even caring for them and standing up for them.
  • It gives the manipulator power to know exactly which buttons to push in their victim.
• Common examples of mind control techniques taking place right in front of us through the manipulator we know include:
  • Being offered several choices without realizing that all those choices lead to the same conclusion.
  • Having the same idea or phrase repeated to you so often that it now sticks in your brain.
  • Having the manipulator perform a technique known as intelligence-dampening on you.
  • Manipulating your emotions by putting you in a state where your emotions are heightened to a point that it makes it hard for you to think straight.
• In fact, there are several forms of mind control techniques which are being practiced today that have significant benefits in helping us improve our lives for the better. These techniques include:
  • Meditation - A practice that has existed for centuries, meditation is one of the oldest, most effective mind control techniques in the world today. It literally encourages you to intentionally control your mind by calming your thoughts and emptying it of all noisy chatter
  • Visualization - A practice that has long been used by many successful individuals to help them train themselves mentally for success. Visualization is an exercise tool used to train the mind for success, no matter how insurmountable or impossible the goal that has been set is.
  • The Mirror Technique - An approach which has long been touted as an effective means of increasing your self-confidence, talking to yourself in the mirror is another example of mind control techniques at work.
  • Hypnosis - Another form of meditation is hypnosis, which is once again, a form of mind control because you’re having to deliberately remove all other thoughts from your mind and focus on nothing but one goal.
  • Goal Writing - Nothing feels quite real enough until you see it directly in front of you.
• Social media is like an addictive drug that keeps you coming back for more, and what makes it such a dangerous manipulative force to the reckoned with is the fact that it beginning to rewire the way our brains are starting to think.

Chapter 4 : The 7 Strategies to Reading Body Language

• 55% of our communication, according to the research, comes from our body language while the remaining 38% is based on the tone of voice that we use. Which means that if you could learn to decipher that 55% that goes unspoken, you’re going to have a significant advantage over everyone else when it comes to interpersonal communication.

• To decipher the secret emotions that others are keeping hidden, here are the 7 strategies you want to employ:
  • Strategy #1 - Appearance. A person’s appearance is perhaps the most obvious giveaway and immediate clue you want to pay attention to when you meet them.
  • Strategy #2 - Posture. Is the person you’re talking to holding their head up high in confidence? Or are their shoulders slightly hunched, indicating that they might be feeling insecure or uncomfortable?
  • Strategy #3 - Face. Out of all the other physical parts of the human body, nothing gives away how a person’s is feeling more than their facial expressions.
  • Strategy #4 - Eyes
  • Strategy #5 - Tone
  • Strategy #6 - Torso - We’ve always been told to stand up straight, keep our back straight, stand tall and maintain good posture. There’s a good reason for that advice. Not only is it good for your posture in general, but it signals to others that you’re feeling confident and in control.
  • Strategy #7 - Legs. The way a person’s legs are positioned when they’re either standing or sitting down is important indicators as to what they’re thinking and feeling. Having them tightly crossed (not in a relaxed manner) while they’re sitting down indicates that feeling “closed off” towards the other person.
• Other body language indicators to look out for when you’re trying to analyze someone are:
  • The Handshake - Strong, firm handshake lets you know when someone is feeling comfortable and confident.
  • The Microexpressions - Strategy number 3 focuses on the more obvious facial expressions that take place during the communication process, but there’s another aspect to what psychologists refer to as display rules which play a very vital role when it comes to letting others know just how you feel.
  • Raising Eyebrows - There are only 3 main reasons (and emotions) that would make someone raise their eyebrows.
    1. Surprised
    2. Afraid
    3. Worried
  • The Chin and the Neck
  • The Arm Cross - We already know the context does have a role to play in the crossing of the arms, but generally, if you’re crossing your arms during a negotiation, for example, the signal you’re giving off is that you’re feeling closed off to what the other person is saying.
  • Excessive Nodding - At the risk of looking like a bobble head, the only reason someone might be nodding excessively when you speak to them is if they were either concerned about what you thought of them, or if they are worried you might be doubting their ability to keep up with your instructions
  • Tightly Clenched Jaw - The only time someone’s jaw would be tightly clenched during a conversation is if they were feeling stressed.
  • The Feet - Another part of your body which could get you into trouble by sending mixed messages. When you tap your toes, someone might get the impression that you’re either feeling anxious or you’re in a hurry to bring the conversation to a close.
• The general indicators you would watch for that might tip you off as to whether someone is lying include:
  • Repeating your question back to you. They could be playing for time to make up a believable story.
  • When they add qualifiers to their sentences, such as “to the best of my knowledge”.
  • Avoiding the use of the word “I” to avoid being implicated could signal that they’re not being entirely honest.
  • Using the present tense to talk about events which have already happened.
  • Some people use more formal speech when they tell a lie. If someone is omitting their contractions too much, that could a clue to keep an eye out for.
  • Some liars (especially if they’re guilty of doing something wrong) might turn to use “softer” words to cushion the deed that has been done.
    • Captain Jack Sparrow infamously chose to say “borrowed without permission”

Chapter 5 : Dealing with the Manipulators In Your Life

• Quit Trying So Hard to Fit in With the Wrong Crowd - If you have to work too hard to fit in with a group of people, they are not the right group for you.

• Learn how to quickly analyze and figure out body language quickly give yourself the upper hand. Call out someone’s bluff and better analyze the relationships and situations that you are in, and most importantly, learn to differentiate manipulation from persuasion.